Airporting

This is a hobby, created just for airport aficionados. If you wish to start enjoying this hobby, there are a few rules which must be followed in order to get the maximum effect from "airporting".

1st: Arrive at the airport earlier than any person in their right mind would.
2nd: Check your bags. But wait! You're too early to check bags. You should have arrived early enough to wait at least an hour before bags can be checked.
3rd: You must plan your trip around high terror alerts. Anything less than level orange doesn't let the X-ray line pile up enough to be a proper airporting line.
4th: Go to your gate to wait at least four hours until your plane takes off. Notice I said "wait." Wait does not include sitting in the cushioned chairs provided... because the previous flight using the gate hasn't left yet and all the seats should be filled.
5th: If you can find a power outlet within 50 feet of the gate, you can still be an airporting hobbyist, but only if the first two outlets you found were unavailable for productive use... i.e. they don't work.

If you carefully follow these steps, you too can be an airporting hobbyist.


Three friars opened up a flower shop. The local florists were outraged because their customers were buying flowers from the friars. Complaint after complaint failed to change the friar's minds, so the florists hired "Hugh's Friendly Removal Service" to take care of their problem. That evening, amid broken pots and a sea of flowers, Hugh convinced the friars that the town could not support an extra florist shop - proving, yet again, that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.